If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
