He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
