Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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