When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
