She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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