so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
