mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
