my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
