Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
