omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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