I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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