Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
