Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
