Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
