just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
