I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
