So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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