Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I just googled if crying burns calories
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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