Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
