My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
