so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
