i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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