ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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