Duck Duck Cougar?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
