haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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