I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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