he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Randomize
