is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
