I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
