just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Randomize
