i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
