yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Randomize
