So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
