wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
