I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I need water and some morals
Randomize
