She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
