you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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