Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You smell like stripper and shame
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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