I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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