I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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