Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
then he tried to convert me to islam
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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