i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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