He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
