I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
