I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
