Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
She needs sedatives and a leash
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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