and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
