Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
