After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
