I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
