it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You need Xanax blowdarts
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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